My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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