she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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