the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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