I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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