she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
