When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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