I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
