i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
