I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
