if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Randomize
