Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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