i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
