she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
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