he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
