how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
