I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
