The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
