dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
