He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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