i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
