if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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