My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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