I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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