do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
