can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
