If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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