eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
