my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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