Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
