Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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