They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
