You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
