so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
should my penis look like a turkey
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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