So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
