people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
