It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
