her vagine was all disorganized.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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