I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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