I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
