the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
