you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
