Will you blow on my dice?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My penis needs a shock collar
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
