I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
