3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
