last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
