sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's just like the Real World with babies
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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