Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
