Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
