just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
