Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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