It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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