Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
