I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
