I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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