Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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