My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
